5 Tips For Taking Complete C

By K Baker

In our society, it's easy to fall into the thinking that it's just not our fault. From the quality of our finances to our personal relationships to our problems at work - we want to believe that it's not us causes the problem. It's our spouse or children. It's because our parents raised us this way. It's because our ex left us or because our boss is too demanding. It's because our friends just don't understand.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it places you squarely in the role of the victim. If everything is happening to you, that means you don't have control over the situation. It's not your fault - it's everyone else's fault. However, as long as you continue to believe this, you will never live the life you dream of.

The truth is that each of us has control over ourselves. We may not have control over everything that happens to us - and we rarely have control over other people. But we do have control over our thoughts, emotions and actions.

No one forces us to react defensively to our boss. No one forces us to pull away from our spouse or yell at our kids. No one forces us to blow our latest paycheck on a weekend shopping spree or today's object of our desire. We choose to take each of these actions.

When you accept this, your life changes dramatically and you start empowering yourself.

Think of it this way - no one can live your life for you. Sure, some will try. Your parents may have always wanted you to be a doctor or lawyer - so you did. Your spouse may believe that you should do the housekeeping - so you do. Your friends may believe that you should act a certain way - so you do.

But in each of these cases, you're giving in and agreeing to go along with them. Perhaps you do it because you want their approval. Perhaps you do it because you fear doing otherwise. Yet in each case, you make the decision to act in accordance with their beliefs about you.

It doesn't have to be this way. You can step up and make decisions for yourself despite what others want for you. It's your life - start to shape it as you would like for it to be.

So how can you more fully take responsibility for your life? Here are a few ways:

1) Take time for reflection each day. Try meditating or sitting quietly and calming your mind. What is that little voice inside your head saying to you?

2) Eliminate blame. Look for situations where you're likely to complain about your boss, parents, kids, etc. Are you blaming them for preventing you from doing something? If so, how can you rephrase the statement so that you take responsibility?

3) Change your reaction. When you find yourself about to mention how someone else "makes you so mad," ask yourself why you are reacting in that way. You may not be able to control the other person, but you don't have to get so worked up. What is really at the heart of the matter? Do you feel slighted, hurt or rejected? Look at your own emotions and think about the ways you can make yourself feel better.

4) Examine your life. What parts of your life do you wish you could change? Where do you feel powerless or not in control? These are often places where you may not be taking responsibility for your life or accepting the reality of your situation.

5) Take action. What can you do right now to make yourself feel in control of your life? What is it that you want? How can you take a small step right now to move closer towards that goal?

Yes, initially, taking responsibility can be scary, but it's also empowering. Often when we feel fear, it's because we're reaching outside our comfort zone to uncharted territory. And when we do that, we give ourselves the opportunity to grow.

Krista Baker is founder of SecretLoa.com, which discusses the history and philosophy behind The Secret and the Law of Attraction. Receive a free ebook, mp3, and ecourse on creating the life you've always wanted.

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Adult Self Esteem

By Brenda McCreight

Most of us do our best to make sure that our children feel good about themselves but often, as adults, we tend to overlook that in ourselves. We may have started in life with high self-esteem, but every day life can erode our positive self image. It does not have to be extraordinary events that knock our good feelings out of the ring, even daily living experiences can take their toll. For example, the boss who never has and never will appreciate your work. Or, the favored older sibling who managed to stay married to the same spouse forever and to have important scientific papers published (no, that one isn't me, I do have an older cousin with a great lake house and a paid off mortgage, though). The realization that we are not going to be perfect parents (well, yes, that is me). And, then, there is always the aging process to pull the rug out from under. Gravity, wrinkles, graying hair, loss of muscle tone, and all the things that begin to go wrong with your body and your memory as you age, can take away even more of your self-confident.

Some people never had much in the way of self-esteem to begin with. You may have had a difficult childhood that made you feel bad about yourself. You may have had parents who were too busy earning a living or simply trying to survive to let you know how great you were and how much you meant to them. You may even have had mean parents or no available parents, so there was no one important in your life to tell you how important you were in theirs. Children can rarely go beyond the emotional boundaries set by their parents, at least not while they are still growing up. So, if you don't like yourself, your children will not learn how to like themselves. And, if none of you is confident and happy about who you are, then you will not feel entitled to seek each other out when you are in need.

Healthy self-esteem lets adults take healthy risks, so when the job goes, you feel good enough about yourself to jump into the job market and find another. Knowing that you are capable in that way gives your family a feeling of strength against the unknown. Healthy adult self-esteem also protects you from letting others treat you badly. That means that your children will see you give and expect respect and good treatment from others. They won't see you get symbolically pounded, they won't see you victimized, and they will see that you can recover from the torrents. When your children see you being strong, they know that their family is strong. Adult Self-Esteem Tips Others see us through the lens that we color and shape. If we do not like ourselves, others will find fault as well.

Sometimes, our busy lives can erode our self-esteem even before we know it. While we are busy taking care of everyone else, our own needs get put aside until we are so full of unmet needs that we begin to think that is all we are. Just a constantly draining well of neediness that has no way of re-filling. We have to remember that we are important to our families, to our selves, and to the other people in our lives. We have to remember that we have value and that we deserve to look in the mirror and say "My goodness, that is a fine person looking at me today."

If you would like to increase your self-esteem, here are some things you might want to try.

• Set personal boundaries. Nothing drains us of self-esteem faster than letting other people walk all over us. It might be the boss who always makes you work late, it might be the teen who daily lists your faults (my life again), it might the spouse who loves you but can't remember your birthday, it might be the parent who still criticizes the way you fold your towels. Take a look at your life and determine where you need to say "Stop" and then stick with it.

• Spend time with your children. That's right, carve out some extra time in your busy week to have some fun time with your kids. There is nothing like seeing how much your children love being with you to make you realize how important and valuable your place in their world is.

• Make a list of your accomplishments. Every couple of months, write out everything you have accomplished. It does not have to be something huge, just the daily stuff of life, such as: got the plumbing fixed, finished report at work on deadline, gave spouse a wonderful birthday party, managed to give kids summer holiday despite limited budget. Those are the things that make up life. Tolstoy did a great job of writing War and Peace, but did he do anything else in that time period, or did his wife and his lover take care of the daily grind.? I bet those two women accomplished far more than he did, and I bet they were never thanked. You may never be thanked either, but you need to validate the things you do that keep your family going.

• Try something new. Self-esteem does not come to those who sit and wait. You have to get out there and try something in life. If the things you are currently doing don't make you feel good, then try something new. Take a course, learn to paint furniture, take up bowling, become an amateur rose grower. It doesn't matter what you try, just try something. Even if it doesn't work out, you can at least feel better for having tried.

• Set the bar lower. Many of us judge our own success by measuring ourselves against others (remember my cousin who owns the mortgage free lake house to die for?). Well, I will never have a house like hers and I will never pay off my mortgage, but that is because I am raising many children (none of whom are currently in jail), so that means something, doesn't it? Our small successes are just as valuable to our family and to the world as the major successes of others.

• Get a good hairdresser or barber. Studies have shown that the first thing people notice in others is their hair. And, I bet that you know that when you look in the mirror, how your hair looks has a major impact on how good you feel about yourself. It doesn't matter if this is a superficial value, it is a value nonetheless, and a good hair cut can make you like yourself more. Take the time and the money from the family's resources to give yourself this boost. It will make everyone feel better, not just you.

• Exercise. You can exercise without changing your lifestyle. Just add a ten minute walk at night, or a couple of sit ups during the afternoon. This isn't about losing weight or building muscles, it's about getting those exercise induced 'feel good' hormones going again.

• Jettison the baggage. Take a look at your life and determine who needs to be in it with you and whose time is over. Sometimes we have friends, or even relatives, who have been important to us at one point, but whose presence has become a problem. You can maintain some part of the relationship, but take a look at the ways you need it to change, or if it is still worth retaining.

• Spend time with friends. There is nothing like being with people who like us to make us like ourselves. You don't have to drop your family responsibilities to carouse with your buddies, but you can find one event a month that is just you and a couple of friends. Maybe it is lunch outside of the office with colleagues with whom you have a special affection, or may be it is a movie night out with the girls (or guys) who have been friends long enough to really know you. Create the time and make sure your family knows that it is important that they cooperate in your attending.

• Make friends. For many of us, our busy-ness and the way we have to categorize each part of our life (parent, adult child, worker, soccer mom) has decreased our ability to make or keep friends. Try different ways to have friends. For example, set a date on the calendar to have a neighborhood bar-be-que and send fliers out to all your neighbors. Follow up by asking them to bring something and getting R.S.V.Ps. Or, start chatting with someone who looks responsive at your church or social event group. Or, start talking to some of the other soccer moms and dads and see if you can strike up a friendship there. Is there someone at your exercise club (remember, you are going to exercise) who you think you have a lot in common with?

• Keep your bedroom clean. You may already do this, but many of us don't. We make sure that every other room in the house is clean and tidy, but we never get around to the place that is supposed to be our sanctuary at the end of the day. Make this room your priority. Keep it looking welcoming and pleasant. This is where you are you, where the pretense is dropped and where you unwind. So, make the space attractive, tidy, clean, and a place where you really want to end the day.

• Throw out your old clothes. You don't need reminders of what no longer fits, or of a lost youth. If you have outgrown an article of clothing, either by size or by age, then get rid of it. You can't make room for the best you that you are now, if you are hanging onto a version of you that no longer exists.

• Get a pet that you like. Often, we buy our pets because of what we think our children need. May of us think that our kids need an "Old Yeller" type of dog (one that doesn't have to be shot, of course), to teach them responsibility, or to watch over them, etc. But, the truth is it is generally the parents who take care of the animal. So, forgo the turtle that will eventually hibernate in the back of the closet and only come out once a year, and buy what you want. Some kind of dog or cat or even a lizard if that is what you like. Just so that it is honestly yours. I once read in a book that of all the memories that stick with a person through life, it is the memory of the look in the eyes of a faithful and loving dog that will sustain and comfort us in old age. Well, I hope you have more than that to comfort you in your twilight years, but for the present, get a pet that loves you unconditionally during all the times that no one else does.

• Act as if you have high self-esteem. If you can't feel good about yourself just yet, then act as if you do. That will cause other people to treat you better and then soon enough, you will begin to actually feel like you deserve their good treatment.

by Brenda McCreight Ph.D.

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Self Esteem, Community Service and Empowerment - Part 1

By H. Veronika Gaia

Attention teachers! Challenge students to use their uniqueness as a contribution to make a positive difference in our world through community service and empower the young. Through participation in school-created community service programs, students elevate their social consciousness to social responsibility as defined in the Bill of Responsibilities: to give sympathy, to understand and help others; to respect the rights and beliefs of others. Students also participate in the group process of cooperative learning, conflict resolution, critical thinking and problem solving by creating and organizing community service projects. Students enhance self esteem through experience. Consequently, self esteem becomes earned esteem.

Keys for Success From my personal experience of creating and directing a successful community service program for seventeen years, here are some keys for success:

o Community service programs that enhance self esteem are experiential. Self esteem will always be enhanced with the experience of serving, helping and leading.

o Allow community service to be an innate response to needs. Ask for student volunteers. Criteria for the program could be students who possess an attitude of acceptance and tolerance toward others and who have a commitment and respect toward the environment.

o A community service program could have two components. One component of the program could be integrated into the school day. Also, there could also be an after-school component of the program that would involve a weekly commitment by students for a specified number of months.

A complete description of the two components of a successful community service program can be found in part 2 of this article.

o Longevity will determines the success of the program.

Be prepared for growth with this program because everyone can serve; there is no need to exclude anyone.

Actual student responses to the program have included: "I feel listened to." "Thank you for believing in me." "I know that I can make a difference in our world." When students truly know and feel that they can make a difference in our world with their actions, they are empowered. Community service programs allow students to work heart-first and the energy of young people will change the world. The members of your student activists will become heroes for all adults involved with your community service program.


About the author: H. Veronika Gaia is a teacher, writer and nature photographer. She believes that every person can make a difference in our world. PeacemakersArt.com provides opportunities for you to make a contribution by purchasing with a purpose. Veronika sells inspirational nature photography art as greeting cards, motivational posters and fine art prints with peaceful intentions for self awareness, human potential and community service. Please visit her website at http://www.PeacemakersArt.com/ .

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Who Would You Be?

By Jon F. Hansen

Your mind is a powerful tool that loves to think. It loves to solve problems, puzzle things out, answer questions. My clients often find themselves stuck in "thinking mode," looping endless loops around well-worn and frustrating questions, anxieties, concerns, and plans. You've undoubtedly experienced this as well.

At first, the idea of asking a question and deliberately not trying to figure out the answer seems a little strange. And for most of the questions in your day, it would be a little strange. From deciding what clothes to put on in the morning to what you want for dinner, you generally expect a fairly quick answer to the questions that arise.

The more profound questions of life, however, cannot be answered through thought, problem-solving, or logic. Embody them, carry them with you for a while, allow them to percolate through not only your mind, but your emotions, your body, and into deeper awareness. This is true inquiry.

One of the deepest inquiries you can make of your Self is to examine a core belief or behavior. A core belief is a cluster of thoughts that lies at the very heart of your way of being in the world. It's the result of social conditioning, things you were taught as a child or an adult, deep-seated beliefs and thoughts that painfully limit the full expression of your talents, abilities, and wholeness. When you question these core beliefs through inquiry, you bring them into the light of day and you gently allow yourself to perceive their falseness.

One way to pose this question is to ask who you would be without the belief. By asking in this way, you're not telling yourself to change anything, you're just noticing other options. After all, you can't stop thinking or feeling in a particular way, and trying only creates more pain and struggle. Instead, this inquiry allows you to explore from a perspective of curiosity and wondering.

Here are three questions to consider as a part of your own inquiry into who and what you really are. Consider them one at a time, not all together. Start with whichever one connects most deeply with where you are today. Experience them. Don't try to answer them or to force yourself into different behavior or different thoughts. If you find yourself wandering into self-judgment or criticism, you're thinking, not experiencing. These are for exploration, for turning on your inner lights, for finding your way home again. They're not meant for logical, rational answers.

Who would you be if you weren't afraid?

Whether you call it concern, worry, nervousness, anxiety, or even panic, fear in its many guises underlies more of human behavior than most people realize. And fear imposes more limitations on who and what we all are in the world than any other emotion or belief.

Who would you be if you weren't afraid? Who would you be without that cage around your spirit?

Who would you be if you didn't need to be right?

From earliest childhood you were taught by parents, friends, and teachers that it's important to be right, to win, to be the best. From that perspective, being wrong or making a mistake becomes not only an error in judgment or of behavior, but also a personal flaw.

Who would you be if you didn't need to be right? Who would you be if making mistakes and striving for perfection were both simply opportunities to explore, create, and learn?

Who would you be if you stopped reacting to your thoughts?

One of my clients has a set of wind-up chattering teeth on her desk to remind her that thoughts are indeed only chatter or background noise. When you react to that ongoing stream of thought, you become frustrated, self-critical, fearful, and driven.

Who would you be if you stopped reacting to your thoughts? Who would you be if you stopped believing them?

Relax ... stop ... and inquire

Ask these questions gently. There aren't any answers to figure out. There's just a quiet opening of possibilities, a noticing that something other than your mind is engaged, interested, aware.

"A spiritual question is like an alarm clock thrown into the dream. ... It disrupts the dream. That's its purpose. When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, its purpose is not to get an answer. Its purpose is to wake you up." From *My Secret is Silence* by Adyashanti, American spiritual teacher and author

(c)Jon Hansen

Helping bright, creative women break free from others' expectations and reclaim their wholeness and power.

About the Author

I'm Jon Hansen of The Remembering Room.

After a lifetime of being all things to all people, is it possible to live from who you are instead of for other people's expectations?

You can break down the walls and rediscover/reclaim the wholeness that's your birthright. For more information or to access my free resources (including my free guided meditations) please visit The Remembering Room

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Develop Your Personal Power

By Anne M. Clarke

Power is not something you get from anyone else. Your ability to do things is determined by what you allow yourself to do. The things which are most likely to prevent you from doing what you want are first, fear, and second, preconceived ideas you have about your abilities.

FEAR

Fear is a paralysing influence. If you don't confront fear and deal with it head-on, it can seize you up completely so you never do anything that you haven't done before. Some people deliberately seek out things to do which involves confronting their fear. It is even possible to be a "fear junkie", hooked on the thrill of doing something fearful, and then revelling in the exhilaration of having conquered the fear.

It is somewhat similar to the way that long distance joggers get hooked on the endorphins their bodies produce at the point of pain and exhaustion. Ski jumping, hang gliding, abseiling and public speaking are other examples of situations where feeling the fear is a part of the thrill. The "fear junkies" have learnt that the only way to deal with their fear is to go out and do whatever it is, regardless of their fear.

By not letting their fear take over they are able to expand their universe. Fear is a perfectly ordinary emotion which all of us experience, and it often has a beneficial effect in keeping us safe. The downside is that, in our desire to be safe, we never venture into the unknown. In fact, this creates a sensation of helplessness and powerlessness which in the end is far more destructive than the fear.

NEGATIVE SELF-PERCEPTIONS

The other major impediment to personal power is what we have learned about ourselves and our own abilities, from earliest infancy to today.

As a child in primary school I had trouble doing sums. My teacher would put big crosses all over my pitiful efforts, then have me stand facing the rest of the class with my exercise book open under my chin so everyone could see her markings, and beat me on the legs with a ruler. The humiliation was worse than the pain. My kind mother spend a lot of time trying to help me understand, and under her gentle tutelage I made some progress, but what I basically learnt was that I wasn't able to handle numerical tasks.

Years later, when I came to study for a Master's degree in business administration, I again found myself incapable of understanding the number-crunching which was an integral part of the course. Graeme, my tutor, was almost beside himself because of my lack of what he considered to be basic knowledge. It took a lot of reprogramming myself to get to a point where I could develop enough competence to pass the exams.

Even today, when I'm confronted with a column of figures which need adding up, I experience the same feelings of blind panic and a sense of utter inability to handle the task that I felt as a little girl of seven.

TAKING CONTROL

The good thing about both fear and negative self-perceptions is that they are capable of being dealt with, leaving you a stronger and more effective person. Nobody needs to be overpowered by either.

It's a matter of mental attitude.

You have the power to take control of your life, to plan your own future and watch it come true. Your potential is truly awe-inspiring.

The first thing you have to do, however, is to accept responsibility for whatever happens to you. If you blame others, their incompetence, their laziness, their politicking, their vendetta against you, their stinginess -you are really saying that these things are outside your control and therefore you can't change them.

In fact, for some people there is an emotional payoff for blaming others for things that go wrong - it enables them to escape any responsibility and they can then enjoy the feeling of being hard-done-by and the sympathy they are able to get from others as a result of their complaining.

Once you accept that what happens to you, even disagreeable things which come through the actions of others, is within your control, you will have taken the first and most important step to having a positive influence on the views of those others towards you.

Your behaviour directly affects others' behaviour towards you, regardless of whether it is favourable to you or not. So you might as well make it favourable, by in a way that creates positive attitudes towards you.

It can help to play a game with yourself, and behave "as if' you already had the job, status, money, popularity or whatever it is that you crave. Thoughts are like magnets - positive thoughts attract positive results, and negative thoughts attract negative results. By permitting yourself only positive thoughts, and acting them out in your behaviour, you are actually increasing the likelihood of achieving your desires. Everyone wants to be "successful", but often without further defining the term "success".

At a superficial level, success is often taken to refer to all the trappings of wealth such as luxury cars and designer clothes. This is only a rather limited view of success based on the accumulation of wealth. But to many, success is more subtle and more personal. It could be a real success to bring up a fine family of healthy and employable children, to overcome serious injuries following a motor accident, or to help a migrant to become proficient in the English language.

Success is really something that you create for yourself. By working to overcome your fear and your negative self-perceptions you will open the path to the fulfillment of your dreams.

Anne Clarke offers a free ebook, "Managing People", which provides all sorts of strategies, advice and tips to help you get on better at work, reduce stress,deal with difficult people and become a better co-worker and leader. Download it free from find out more at http://www.squidoo.com/managing-people

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Mastering Self Esteem

By Sheila Conrad

The dance of life is between learning how to release self-judgments and learning how to identify and embrace our true nature. We are the only ones standing in the way of our success. When we are ready to accept that we are the embodiment of love, joy, happiness, and peace, we receive them. To learn to get out of our own way takes practice, patience, and perseverance.

To the degree that we control our minds, we control our lives. We are not our thoughts, but rather the one who is thinking them, watching them go by. By clearing our minds, we can understand the reality we are creating with our thoughts. This will help us focus on what works in our lives to create self esteem.

A source of unhappiness in my life and in the lives of every person I have worked with professionally is the belief that we are not good enough exactly as we are. This belief allows us to avoid being all we can be.

The source of this unhappiness is self-criticism. Self-criticism is a learned behavior. Self-critical thinking prevents us from taking action in the world. Every one of us has the power to change the thoughts that create our suffering. To become responsible for ourselves, we must be willing to stop indulging in and focusing on thoughts of unworthiness. When we stop focusing on unworthiness, we realize we are perfect, exactly as we are.

When we do not identify with a negative behavior, it weakens. We can then more easily observe our critical comments about this behavior as if we were an objective witness, we can remain calm, centered, and compassionate. We can see ourselves as the witness of our actions and we don't identify with them. Rather than reacting and avoiding, we allow. When we become aware that we are negatively judging ourselves, we see the value of observing ourselves from an impartial witness space.

We are more precious and valuable than any idea, regardless of where it comes from or who agrees with it. As long as we value our ideas and concepts more than accepting ourselves exactly as we are, our suffering is guaranteed. When this happens, it is best not to dwell on the ideas that created our suffering. We need to decide what are we going to do about it.

Until we take responsibility for the life we are creating, we will not be fulfilled. When we see how we choose to dwell on negative experiences and notice what payoffs and negative rewards we receive from this behavior, we will know we can make other choices and we will begin to live our lives more positively.

We need to take responsibility for clearing our mental house of the old beliefs that hinder and limit us. We also need to care for our body by nourishing, exercising and resting it. Our spirit needs acknowledgment and recognition, meditation or quiet time. Our emotions need play, recreation, and discipline. This is an on-going daily process and a major purpose of our lives.

A friend said, "It is not what you get in life but how you deal with what you get that determines what kind of person you are."

© Sheila Radha Conrad 2008

From her book, "Self Recognition", counselor and trainer, Sheila Radha Conrad offers free Life Mastery Skills exercises on her web site at http://www.lifemasteryskills.com

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Pep Up Your Self Esteem!

By Priya Viswanathan

A lot of people do not get anywhere in life in spite of seeming to have everything going for them in life. So what is it that truly sets apart the average man from the extraordinary human being? The answer is short and simple - the real secret of success lies in self-esteem. Thinking is being. Believe it or not, merely working to develop a heightened sense of self-esteem can help bestow success on your life!

Pessimism and lack of self-confidence only causes more anxiety and tension, leading to failure in all tasks you ever take up. Once you break out of your vicious cycle of self-doubt, you develop great self-confidence, which automatically makes you virtually unstoppable in any field you intend to pursue! All of us are born with tremendous potential in a particular field. We all deserve to taste the sweet flavor of success due to us in this lifetime and it is our duty to go after that success!

Now, where do we get started with this quest for success? Everything in this Universe is right within us. Remember, in this cosmos, the macro is the micro. Hence, if we desire love and respect from other people, we must learn to love and respect ourselves first and foremost. There is definitely at least one thing we do not really like about ourselves. So what can be done about it? We can follow either of two routes here - change that thing we dislike about ourselves or just learn to accept and love ourselves the way we are.

• Accept yourself

Of course, there are certain things you just cannot change. For example, if your problem is overweight, you have many options to try and lose it. But if you feel inferior because you may not be good-looking enough, you need to get over it by changing your own thinking. Concentrate on some other aspect of yourself that shines forth in the social circuit. If you have ready wit or a great sense of humor for instance, show it off in public and you will be amazed at how soon you become the most popular person at any party!

• Be well-heeled

The whole world loves an elegant dresser. This does not mean that you immediately need to hit those hi-fi designer boutiques in your locality. Merely taking a bit more trouble to look and smell good goes a long way to creating the first good impression. Make sure to keep the hair clean and well-styled, wear neatly ironed clothes and always wear a hint of pleasant perfume. Further, maintaining an erect posture and smiling countenance will, by itself, create a feeling of well-being for you.

• Give and thou shalt receive!

Give in plenty - complements, that is! Keeping to yourself all the time in a work or social environment never ever pays. It is easy to win others' hearts by just being nice to them. Make it a habit to comment positively about people and acknowledge their pluses. Complementing others will allow them to open up to you and return the favor. Hearing others saying good things about you in turn, works wonders on your self-confidence.

• Work on your minuses

Know what your weak points are and systematically work on them. For instance, if you are shy and reticent by nature, do something about it. You could maybe join a personality development course or a public speaking course. This will help you get out of your self-imposed shell and mingle around freely with others. Make direct eye contact with the other party and smile more often - that in itself will project an image of utter self-confidence and control.

• Negate that fear complex

Most people withdraw into themselves for the sheer fear of societal rejection. If this is the case with you, learn to deal with that fear and negate it altogether, so it stops affecting your life. The most important thing here is to start enjoying who and what we do. If you have stage fright, go face a huge audience. You may be left shaking for the first couple of minutes, but you will be pleasantly surprised to see how quickly that silly phobia melts away! Counteract this thing called fear and show it who the boss is! Soon enough, you will feel your confidence levels rising and feel right on top of the world!

Snap out of that under-confidence and open your life up to a wonderful new world of immense opportunities. Increase your self-esteem and see how life changes for the better for you!

Priya Viswanathan is a Performing Artiste, an Internet Marketer and publisher of Best Affiliate Pro. Positive thinking is a way of life for her and she hopes to influence the lives of many for the better through the medium of the written word.

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10 Secretly Powerful Ways To Explode Your Self Esteem And Banish Your Blushing

By NJ Brighton

1. Ask for your self confidence back for a minute

At some point in your life, you have experienced healthy levels of self confidence. If you did not, then you would not feel the need to acquire it now. It's like someone who has never experimented with drugs suddenly saying "I need another fix of heroin..."

Therefore, if you know you have experienced confidence, you now know that it is perfectly possible to experience it again. In other words, there is nothing in the way your brain is shaped, the way your brain thinks or the things you do with yourself from day to day that can actually physically stop you from feeling confident.

This might sound weird to you, but it's actually true.

Nothing has changed physically since you last felt like a million dollars that can possibly change the way your brain works. It can still feel confident, if you let it. So think back to a time when you felt confident and try to close your eyes and remember what you felt physically, what your voice sounded like and how people reacted to you.

The more you do this, the easier your mind will be able to re-trigger its' own ability to feel those forgotten emotions.

Just think of it like a broken down car that takes ages to start, the more you rev the engine and turn the key (and maybe get some people to push from behind), the quicker you'll be up to full speed and onto your journey safely home.

Be as detailed about this experience as you can so that it is vivid in your mind. Refer to this experience to remind you that you have been confident before and will be again!

2. Chart Your Winnings

Write down things you've been successful at in the past, even earlier today. It doesn't have to be winning a marathon or landing on the moon, just things that you executed successfully. Perhaps you finished all your work on time, made someone smile, cooked a great dinner or just got home in one piece (which is a success in this day and age!)

In other words, success is anything that you've done that has made you proud of yourself. But what if you haven't done a single thing all day or all week/month or year (highly unlikely)...then DO something tonight. Clean the house, cook someone dinner, give someone a gift, write a poem, learn something by reading a book...whatever, just do it...today.

Record all your successes in a book, album or folder. Tuck it away within reaching distance of where you frequent. Perhaps your home office, your computer, T.V, workspace or bedside table?

When your confidence is low, read your own success stories to remind you that you have been successful in the past, and of course that you have the ability to be as (if not more) successful in the future...never stop improving yourself.

You have the ability to improve all areas of your life, no matter who you are or what you do. Self improvement is the source of every good thing that enters your life, and is responsible for every negative thing that leaves your life. Write that down...

3. Visualize yourself with success and high self esteem.

See the person you would be if you were a success from the outside, study him/her, how they walk, breath, talk and etc. Now try to be one with that person in your mind, it will be hard to do at first, but if you make this a daily assignment for yourself, it will get easier, and it will work wonders for your self esteem and self confidence.

4. Set goals for you, not them

Do it for yourself, plan your own successes, and reward yourself, at least emotionally by praising yourself whenever you achieve some sort of success or small step towards success. Don't forget, success and personal development/achievement is made up of many small steps. Don't discount the small steps as "not quite making it work". I have known people 2 simple steps away from becoming millionaires, yet passed everything up at the last two steps. Don't follow their path!

Make small achievable goals to begin with, it is a great confidence booster to achieve a goal, no matter how small it may seem to others. However, do not settle for overall goals that are too small. You will never get out of bed each day if your goal is just to "get through the day" at work.

5. Speak with your limbs.

We've all been in social situations where someone leaps into a room, makes eye contact and starts chatting with everyone around. There are no averages in this world, just people who believe and people who want to believe. Make your choice. If you learn to believe in yourself, don't even think about who you are or what people might think...because you don't need to know that. All you need to know is that you are the person that has every right to walk this floating rock as the next.

In my case, I couldn't care less whether you're a college drop out or the prime minister, you better respect me or I'll turn my back on you and take my would-be respect for you elsewhere my friend...be tough, but not rude...

First impressions count. Practise good posture. Imagine that you're being pulled by a string going all the way from your toes to the top of your head. And whenever you enter a room, don't walk in as if you're not welcome. No-one else does, and you're no different. Stride in, make eye contact and be the first to introduce yourself. Don't ever look down as if you've done something wrong, those people in that room are most likely dying for someone with a bit of spark to liven up the atmosphere. Let that be your job...let them have what they need of you!

6. Be comfortably dressed

I've made the mistake of trying to disguise my body flaws by wearing unflattering clothes. The truth is that wearing ill-fitting clothes only serves to accentuate the same parts of your body that you're trying to hide! Those baggy T-shirts and jeans don't do any justice for anyone, male or female.

7. Keep learning new skills

Aside from keeping your mind sharp , be a life student. If traditional education is something you are interested in, then do it. But don't just do it to get a pay rise...do it because you want to...and because you want to improve yourself.

If college isn't your thing, just do what I do and read books. Fiction, non-fiction, whatever you decide. The point is that reading has been extensively proven to increase our levels of intelligence, grammar and punctuality.

With these improved qualities under your belt, you will have no problems conversing with people in more and more social situations.

Nothing is stopping you from learning a new language, taking a new hobby class, learning some new technical skills, etc. Write a date in you diary for the start of you new learning term. Stick to it and do it! I promise 1005 on my life that it WILL make you feel so much better about yourself (and will give you something to talk about in those previously awkward social situations).

8. Stand up and fight, dammit...

Don't be a doormat, it destroys the soul! If you don't speak up, you will allow others not only to make assumptions, but also to push you towards situations where you feel even less comfortable. Once you start speaking up for yourself, you will have more control over where you want to be, when you want to be there and with whom.

Start small (complaining when food tastes bad or someone ignores you) and work your way up to an opinionated force to be reckoned with (commanding people to listen to your valid points, asking for a pay rise etc).

Again, this is a natural emotional ability you have. For example if you were in court, being falsely accused of murder, potentially facing life imprisonment...would you just look down at the floor and worry about shouting "No you are wrong!"?

9. Take small steps to big success

Take each day at a time, otherwise you will become discouraged. The pint is not to think small and conquer small, but to think of an overall huge goal and then work backwards to where you are now. Break each step down into actionable pieces. Before you know it, you will be on top and may even feel a little dizzy from the height!

10. Ignore the negative

But when it arrives, use it to make yourself indestructible by learning from your mistakes, which others let beat them down. Some of the riches people in the world (apart from lottery winners) were only able to achieve such success from making hundreds of mistakes. Put your ego to one side, let your mistakes feed you with powerful messages to improve your life.

If you and I were racing through a jungle full of Lions and wild hunters, and I told you that you were going to be eaten and I would survive, what do you think I would tell you to allow you to live?

Well, the truth is you wouldn't have a clue. That is, unless you made that trip everyday. And there it is, I now tell you that I make this trip everyday, amongst the Lions and the other hunters, across the lake and the swamps, through the bushes and around the traps.

How did I not get eaten? I learned from many generations of people who got savaged, lost friends and family and barely survived to tell the tale...

So because I have made this journey everyday, learning from others and from my own experience, I can tell you which way to go. Now you will be safe...

There are many theories for a blushing free life. I can only hope you are not led to the ones that cost you more time, pain and discomfort than the original problem of blushing itself. Instead, I would encourage you to visit http://www.facialredness.co.uk and see how you can block out and stop facial blushing for good with my unique system before the spiral goes too far. (Plus you can still grab a special free report to boost your self esteem in just one weekend... hurry, it won't be there for ever!)

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=NJ_Brighton

The Lack Of Adolescent Self Esteem

By Ray Andrew

I want to talk a little about how it affects adolescent self esteem, what are the possible causes and what you can do about it. There are many teenagers that have low self esteem and need help and support from their parents and friends.

The causes

There are different causes, it could be heredity in the case that the parents have it, it can also be education what cultural values and beliefs did you learn at school, some might not be positive and also your environment, what are the people that grow up with you, your parents, your friends, your teachers and anyone else that gave you advice.

Those are the most common factors that affect your adolescent self esteem. So those factors can be positive or negative, if you live in a difficult environment in your house, where your parents fight all the time and don't pay you attention, you might have low self esteem.

If in the school your teachers treat you bad and your friends made fun of you in any way, you might have the problem. Some people are not affected by negative views or criticism but other are very sensitive to them.

Is very important to encourage adolescent self esteem because is the age when they are developing and creating their own personality, they have some emotional problems either with school or with a love and it can affect a lot.

Remedies

If you have a problem of self confidence, its important that you talk to your friends or parents about it, just find someone that respect you and understand you, you will feel better.

There are different things that you can do to improve your self confidence, like doing exercise, meeting new people, learning new skills, reading positive affirmations, helping other people, taking your own decisions and improving your self image.

Most adolescents suffer from low self esteem at some point, but there is a lot that can be done to help them, visit us: self improvement rules
at http://www.selfesteemimprovementtips.com/

You can also read about: quotes of self improvement

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ray_Andrew

10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

By Peter Dobler

Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to become a charismatic personality in this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Dobler

Why Self Esteem Matters

By Jim Sullivan

A number of years ago I worked for one of the UK’s top IT companies -- a global player. We were meeting to discuss a major bid, and the room was filled with people who didn’t meet often -- the most senior managers from a number of divisions. There were very few middle tier managers in the room, almost exclusively senior managers who were accustomed to being ‘top dog’. The atmosphere in that room was almost tangible. I wanted to bottle the air and analyse it later -- I had never experienced such naked power, and it dawned on me in that moment that we are almost blind to the status signals we transmit.

That meeting was an epiphany, and led to me becoming a hypnotherapist with a particular interest in researching confidence and self esteem. Because what I discovered in that company, and in many companies I have assisted subsequently, was the startling fact that an individual’s self-esteem is a reliable indicator of how far they will progress in the organisation. Some technical geniuses can buck the trend, but they are very rare. For most of us, our ability to influence decision-making is precisely limited by our self esteem.

Why does this matter? It matters because the person with the greatest self esteem is not necessarily the right person to be making the key decisions. We have all suffered foolish bosses. Perhaps we have all wondered how on earth they reached such positions of seniority, given their obvious shortcomings. If you will excuse the bluntness: that incompetent boss is there because you haven’t yet been sufficiently convincing. Your performance is perhaps the least important aspect on which you will be judged; what matters is your status in the group.

Status is a fascinating topic. We communicate our status constantly, primarily through body language and voice tone. This communication is unconscious; it is felt rather than known or consciously controlled. The way in which you behave reflects your self perception of status. This is either accepted or challenged by the people around you. A dominant person (relative to you) will cause you to back off from a challenge. A submissive person (again, relative to your own status) will make it easy for you to project your will. For a fuller discussion of this topic, please visit http://www.confidenceclub.net/content/statusconfidence.php.

And so we come to the nub. We should all seek to develop our self esteem, not because of the personal benefits which will flow from this personal growth -- career enhancement, improved love life etc -- but because we have a duty to ourselves and our communities. Until and unless we step up to the plate, our communities will remain vulnerable to an almost random process of leader selection. So ask yourself: ‘Am I allowing less talented people to make decisions on my behalf?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, then perhaps you should consider stepping up to the plate yourself. The first step in this process is building up your own self confidence and self esteem. Don’t be bashful; there’s nothing selfish about developing your own qualities. A community with a rich selection of potential leaders is, in my view, a secure community.

Jim Sullivan is a hypnotherapist specialising in confidence development and stress management. He may be contacted via his Confidence Club website http://www.confidenceclub.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jim_Sullivan