I Can't Or I Won't?

By Kent Healy

"I can't exercise today." "I can't ask her on a date!" "I can't make more money." Whoa, there partner! Let's think about this for a moment. Once we stop to think about what words we choose to use and how often we use them, we might actually surprise ourselves.

I've noticed one word specifically that has subtly squirmed its way into more and more conversations. I'm sure you're aware of the four letter word I am referring to. That's right: Can't.

It seems that the word "can't" has become a one-step solution many people use to put their nagging inner-thoughts to rest. After all, once we declare something cannot be done, we no longer need to think about, right? We can put it out of our mind and just let it go! "It's out of my control." "It's just not possible," as many would say. What a simple solution ... or is it?

The words we use have a far greater effect on our mentality than their obvious grammatical application. The word "can't" literally alters our perspective in an instant. It presupposes that we don't have the ability or the resources to get the result, which in most cases, is not true at all. But eventually, we believe what we repeatedly tell ourselves-whether it's factual or not. Before long, our creativity gradually disappears and we lower our expectations-only to set the stage for further disappointment.

Yes, there are appropriate occasions to use the word "can't", but many times, we use it to hide a deeper concern. Rarely is it used to indicate that something is actually impossible-it's often just a crutch we use to suppress the real reasons we choose not to take further action.

"I can't dance." "I can't give a speech." "I can't start a business." Sound familiar? Perhaps, if we were to be completely honest with ourselves, a more fitting description would begin with "I won't." For instance: "I won't start a business because I'm too afraid of failing." "I won't ask her on a date because I'm not willing to experience possible rejection." In other words, we choose to use the word "can't" when the process involves fear, inconvenience, or sacrifices that we are unwilling to endure. That's why "can't" is typically a choice rather than an accurate suggestion of impossibility.

If we think about it, we'll realize that it's often the very things we're putting off that will take us closer to where we really want to be. This becomes a very important concept once we understand that we will not pursue things that we believe cannot be done. If we believe that we cannot swim, then we will avoid the water. If we believe we cannot start a business, then there is no reason to try. But in reality, it's rarely a matter of "can't."

Try taking the verbal limitations out of your life. Next time you catch yourself using the "c-word," try exchanging it with "won't." For example, "I can't apply for the job" would become "I won't apply for the job because ..." fill in the blank. Who knows, you may find that the only thing holding you back is a false assumption.

Written by Kent Healy

At a young age reality gave Kent D. Healy a wake up call. He realized that he was not getting taught the important life-skills in school that he needed to become successful in the real world. Kent then partnered with his brother at age 17 to write his first book, "Cool Stuff" They Should Teach In School.

Since the book has been released, the overwhelming positive feedback has driven him to start his own publishing company called "Cool Stuff" Media, Inc. (http://www.coolstuffmedia.com ) The success of this company and the personal development material created by Kent has made him one of the most popular and sought-after young experts on the topic of success. (http://www.kenthealy.com )

Kent is a columnist, personal life coach, entrepreneur, and speaker. He has teamed up with some of the world's most respected leaders in the field of psychology and personal transformation-including the recent release of his book, The Success Principles for Teens which he co-authored with Jack Canfield.

He regularly appears in the media travels to speak to audiences of all ages and backgrounds and he is dedicated to helping others by offering them the tools they need to build a life they are proud of.

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Low Self Esteem - I Think I Have it But What Can I Do

By Stefan Kelly

Low or poor self esteem is a term given to the state of being which can actually be pretty hard to describe, let alone understand. As in the case of 'depression' the phrase 'low self esteem' is used to describe the underlying cause of a range of observable behaviours. Behaviours such as shyness, anxiety, aggression, eating disorders, low expectations, pleasing others and neglect of one's own needs.

However, these perhaps only describe what others may observe. What is much more difficult to understand are your feelings and emotional experiences hidden behind those behaviours that others can see. It may be that you are aware of some sense of low self esteem and any or all of these feelings are familiar. It could also be that any, some or all of these emotions are so buried, that the behaviours above are so much a part of you, are a part of your everyday life that you have an underlying constant sense that things aren't right but don't know why.

A sense of low self esteem can connect with so many parts of daily life. Some parts may be relatively easy to talk about such as: 'I'm just shy', 'I like to make sure that everyone else is OK' or 'I find it easier not to argue'.

There may be other more deeply held personal and private self beliefs which, although you are aware of, you feel will be much more difficult to explore and make sense of: 'Everyone criticises me, even when I try really hard. Perhaps I deserve it'.

These beliefs possibly make up who you are right now but not necessarily who you want to be in the future: 'I've worked really hard and I've got everything I want but still I'm not happy'.

Relationships with your partner can also be affected in an unseen way by low self esteem: ' All I want is some attention and intimacy but I won't get it so I won't bother trying. I'll only get let down again'.

Possibly life in the workplace is difficult because it is difficult to assert yourself and get on with bosses, staff and colleagues: 'There's no point giving my opinion because no one will listen'.

Life within the family can sometimes difficult when you are experiencing constant demands for your time and energy, sometimes without any feeling for what you might want: 'I just can't say no and end up doing things I don't want to and then feel guilty wanting to do something for myself'.

If you are feeling now that this is not the way you want to live, then finding an empathic counsellor may be helpful to make some changes in your life. There are two crucial first steps in the therapy process:

· Acknowledging to yourself that things are not quite right in your life- only you can know this.

· Your desire to bring about changes to achieve a sense of your own well being and set about ways to achieve this- only you can do this.

The thought of going into counselling can, for some, be a pretty daunting prospect. You may even not be sure what it is you want to achieve let alone explain the confusing and possibly deeply personal stuff that is going on for you. But that's OK.

Having made that first step to counselling, the next part of the process is for the counsellor to work with you so that you both begin to get an understanding of you, your internal world and eventually, where you want to go.

As your level of trust in your counsellor grows you will have the opportunity to explore who you are and how you came to feel as you do now. Through this process you will be able to:

· grow your sense of esteem

· shrink those painful issues and anxieties that are so much of your present life

· create a more positive and hopeful vision of your life in the future

And remember- This Is All About You.

Stefan Kelly MBACP

May 2008.

Stefan Kelly is the co- founder of the Godalming Therapy Practice. His philosophy is simple: Every person has the resource to discover their own solution to achieving self autonomy and to become more open to a future of possibilities. Stefan's practice is based in Surrey and he has worked successfully with many clients experiencing a range of issues including low self esteem, depression, lack of control, anxiety, family and relationship issues.

http://www.godalmingtherapypractice.counselling.co.uk

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Is Your Self-Esteem in Pain?

By Francis Hosein

You may not realize that the thing that you are doing in your life now that is holding you back has to do with a low self esteem.

You may not have given much attention to your low self esteem which is causing you a lot more problems that you thought.

Self-criticism

Do you find yourself criticizing everything you do, before anyone else does it?
Are you very hard on yourself and you can never be perfect?

You allow the critical parent or adult to take over and you feel you can never live up to that standard yet you do not let it go.

Feelings of worthlessness

If your feeling of worthlessness is stopping you from moving on and getting a better life you can take action by getting help to break this cycle within you.

Self doubt

Do you doubt your self and every action you take are you afraid of not being good enough?

This may not be coming only from you as the adult and may have its roots in your pass as a child.

Your self talk

Your parent may have use negative talk to help motivate you except it did not it only made it worst and although your parent may not be ain your life you still carry on where they left off.

Feelings of inadequacy

Feeling inadequate may be the only way you know about behaving and letting go of this part of you is letting go of a friend that you have carried with you since earl childhood.

Allowing abuse

Do you allow others to abuse you, does it feel at least you are getting some attention, or that someone is noticing you.

Being a victim

Is being a victim a role you have known all of your life starting with you feeling like a victim with your caretakers?

Overcoming weakness

Your weakness that have brought you to a low self-esteem does not mean that you are sentence for a life of this you can start working on your weakness by making a list of them and taking actions each day to break the pattern.

You can make your weaknesses your friend by first facing them, talking about them in the open with family and friends, and laughing at them.

The way you look at you

You can look at you and blame yourself, be angry, be a victim or you can look for the little thing that you like about you that makes you special and build on that.

You keep alive this critical part and the moment you give this part its walking papers you allow yourself to live a different life, a life without guilt or blame.

Confusion

Confusion sets in the moment you start to create a new identity because the old you are afraid of dying because it does not know how your new world will be.

Healthy self-esteem

Having a healthy self esteem starts with having a relationship with self, by taking the time to know, love and trust in you first.

Conclusion: Your self esteem may be in pain because you are to busy with what others think and not what is best for you.

The author grants full reprint rights to this article. You may reprint and electronically distribute this article so long as its contents remain unchanged, and the author's byline remains in place. Francis is the owner of trans-formers.com if you want more information on relationships in your life you can Visit http://www.trans-formers.com/free-relationship-advice.html

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Low Self-Esteem Affects Every Area of Your Life

By Jackie Beck

Self-esteem is the way one feels about and views themselves. Self-esteem has a simple definition, yet is a vitally important component of a successful and happy life. Without it, confidence lacks, depression or feelings of inadequacy increase and the quality of life in general begins to deteriorate. Self-esteem affects our relationships, our happiness with our life, our overall balance and health. Without a good self-esteem, then we will not reach the quality of life we are capable of reaching and our relationships with others and ourselves will suffer.

Symptoms that need to be treated and relieved are:

• Admiration of others without belief in own ability to accomplish similar achievements

• Always asking others for their opinion; never trusting one's self

• Easily exploited

• Feelings of being inferior

• Feelings of depression

• Feelings of guilt

• Feelings of unworthiness

• Frequent hesitation

• Lacking confidence

• Passive Nature

• Undervalue self

Through a combination of natural flower ingredients, your entire body will be brought back into balance and these symptoms of low self-esteem will begin to disappear. You will feel good about yourself and your confidence will increase. Additionally, life will begin to be more fun. Your relationship with yourself and with others will improve and your overall outlook will pick up and look up.

Specific ingredients in the flower solution are a combination of Cerato, Gentian, Larch, Pine and Scleranthus. These ingredients and this solution do not take the place of ability but helps you to know your abilities and feel the confidence and self-esteem to match. There is no risk whatsoever involved, with instead, everything to gain. No side effects, no weight gain, no negative effects whatsoever. Only help in a natural and native supplement through the essences of flowers.

By boosting your confidence and feelings of adequacy just when you need it, this combination, simply put works. Let these natural flower ingredients work for you too and begin to get started right now on the rest of your life; feeling confident, happy and looking outwardly your best!

Jackie Beck is the owner and founder of Healing Combinations.

By using Bach Flower essences, discovered by Dr. Edward Bach in the 1920's and 1930's, Healing Combinations provides natural remedies for low self-esteem. They produce natural products for a variety of physical, mental, and emotional issues, with a sense of social responsibility and integrity. You can purchase them individually in your local health food store or in the Low Self-Esteem combination at http://www.healingcombinations.com/lowselfesteem Think of them like affirmations for your soul.

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Blaming Others A Sign Of Low Self Esteem

By Carla Valencia

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. - Wayne Dyer

Blaming others is a sign of low self-esteem because in doing so we are not taking responsibility. If you do not take responsibility you will always be a victim of your circumstances.

I used to blame everybody and everything in the past until I realized that in doing so my circumstances were not changing and my self esteem did not improved. When I became aware of this behavior I took the decision not to blame anymore.

Whenever I find myself blaming people or circumstances I stop and I say to myself: Is time to take responsibility and I take action. This new behaviour has helped me to build my self esteem because I do not feel the victim anymore.

Here are some tips to stop blaming others and circumstances:


● If you made a mistake, admit it.

● If there is something in your life you are not happy about, do something to change it.

● When you find yourself blaming stop and say to yourself: is time to take responsibility.

● Be open to other's people opinion and if you did something wrong apologize. Remember that you are not always right.
In his book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden suggest the following:
Self-Responsibility:

● I am responsible for the achievement of my desires

● I am responsible for my choices and actions

● I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my work

● I am responsible for my behavior with other people - coworkers, associates, customers, spouse, children, friends

● I am responsible for how I prioritize my time

● I am responsible for the quality of my communications

● I am responsible for my personal happiness

● I am responsible for accepting or choosing the values by which I live

● I am responsible for raising my self-esteem
If you want to have a healthy self esteem you must practice self-responsibility. This means that you are accountable for your choices and action in your life and especially in relationship with your own self.

Carla's professional background includes 15 years working as a Software Developer and Technical Writer with import-export and manufacture companies. Her passion about self-esteem issues had leaded her to write about her personal experiences.

Since she was very young she spent a lot of time researching and interviewing close friends and family on this subject. She has been examining alternative ways of dealing with life on many different levels.

She studied Metaphysic, Buddhism, and participated in several workshops to work inside herself. She's been using several techniques since the last 10 years like Hoponopono, Emotional Freedom, Rebirthing, Shadow Work and Meditation.

She published her first book when she was 23, "Let's love ourselves as we are".

Her passion: "Give her personal experience to others", her expression: "My life is my teaching".http://www.selfesteemawareness.com

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Teen Low Self Esteem Building Self Worth And Self Confidence With Affirmations

By Terry Glass

No matter how you look at it, a teenager is overloaded with information from their parents, friends, teachers, media, television, magazines and loved ones. How many times have you stopped and thought to yourself, "What a day" or "what just happened".

With this constant barrage of information there is little wonder why a teenager starts to doubt their own self confidence and self worth. Should this become a problem you might find the teen turning to alcohol, substance abuse or negative behavior.

Having low self esteem leads to the teenagers daily activities and life in general being borderline miserable. If left unchecked this type of low self esteem can rule the teenagers life leading to insecurities, substance abuse or gaining a little too much weight.

Then how can affirmations build self esteem, improve self worth and skyrocket self confidence?

An affirmation is a chant or a phrase that you say to yourself either out aloud or to yourself in your head. An affirmation is you simply telling yourself that you want to make improvements in different areas of your life.

Example. Let's say you lack confidence when speaking with your friends because YOU THINK they look upon you as less worthy than them. In reality this is not the case, your friends really do look upon you equally, its just you think they don't.

Affirmations are an individual thing that fits your circumstances so in this case your affirmation will be something like - I am a confident person, what I have to say is worthy and I am just as good as my friends.

Another example might be that you feel ugly or unattractive. Your affirmation will be similar to - I am a beautiful person, I am not ugly, I am attractive.

This is pretty basic stuff is it not? What is an affirmation really doing? The affirmation is not some magic spell that will put everything right. No an affirmation is a mechanism where you will start to believe in yourself and not let unfounded beliefs to take control of your life.

Your affirmation is personal, it is just for you and is applicable to you. You must and will believe in your affirmation and as you get stronger you will trust your affirmation.

Each affirmation you use will improve your self confidence. I am a confident person is the thought your saying to yourself as you walk down the mall holding your head high. As your confidence grows so will your own self worth. You will dress with care, comb your hair maybe iron your clothes that little bit better. You will start to believe in yourself, you will develop a sound healthy feeling of self worth and as you do this, you will be building your self esteem.

Each time you achieve a point in your life using your affirmations then don't stop there. Look for the next point, build your very own affirmation and believe in it. As each point improves in your life you are developing your own character and will have successfully completed one very simple and easy strategy to build self esteem.

Terry Glass has been researching self esteem issues and provides care to sufferers on a daily basis. To reach a farther audience the site of Today Self Esteem discusses many aspects of self-esteem, self worth and self confidence issues relating to a child, girl, teenager, women and provides real strategies including affirmations to build self esteem and confidence. The main website http://www.today-self-esteem.com can be found at Teen girl building low self esteem, self worth and self confidence using affirmations.

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Self-Esteem - Overcome Low Self-Esteem with Simple Techniques

By Pierre Amyotte

Low self-esteem affects our love lives, careers, family bonds, and, most of all, our internal sense of well-being. High self-esteem, however, exudes confidence, problem-solving abilities and the assertiveness necessary to achieve your goals.

The more you like yourself, the more you act in likable ways. The more you believe you can achieve something, the more likely it is that you will.

It is a well-known fact that we can all take steps to improve our self-esteem. The most important relationship you have is with yourself!

The expression "Self-Esteem" is often used in our everyday life, although most people don't really know the exact meaning of it. Most people think that self esteem is another name for confidence. Certainly, confidence is part of the definition of self esteem but it is a lot more than that. For example, there are numerous people in the world that are at the height of their confidence but have very poor self-esteem. Most of the people in the public eye fall into this category. The most common are actors, comedians and singers who glow on stage, and yet offstage, they feel insecure.

There are a few different ways to improve your self esteem. The most basic of them is that you must realize that you are not alone. There are many others who have this problem. The second fact that you must remember is that you are a very special person and you are an important part of society and you have as much right to live happily and peacefully as everybody else.

Another thing to remember is that everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes is a fact of life for everyone. No one is perfect. Never forget the saying 'to err is human'. Hopefully most of us will learn from our mistakes. We also have the right to respect ourselves just like we respect others. Most importantly, you have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' for yourself. People with poor self esteem feel that they are inferior to others and are unable to make the right decisions.

Here are some the techniques to help improve your self esteem.

* The ten minute technique: take ten minutes a day and do nothing but just sit and relax. This helps bring back your confidence. Many people find this technique helpful.

* Accentuate the Positive: if you are one of those who tends to go over your mistakes again and again, make sure it is only for one reason: to correct them.

* List 50 things that you like about yourself: then go over them every day. This will help you to focus on your strengths and will keep you on the right track.

To learn the simple secrets to building your self-esteem, visit http://www.selfesteem.healthehelp.com where you'll find everything you need to know about improving your confidence, including self help, self-esteem improvement courses, and much more!

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