Pride - It's a Self-Esteem Issue!

By Elias Scultori

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I came across this quote while doing some research for a talk I was scheduled to give at a Gay and Lesbian Pride Center during the month of June when gay pride is celebrated all around the world. Of course, they asked me to talk about gay pride -- with a life coaching twist. And since so much has been already said about this subject I thought at first, I would inevitably end up being redundant. But as I continued to explore the subject, I began to think more and more about the correlation between pride and self-esteem. Has anyone talked about this already?

Since the Stonewall riots of 1969, every year during the month of June, millions of people who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT) have inundated the avenues of major cities all around the world, waving their rainbow flags and proclaiming their gay pride. Almost 40 years later, the community has won major battles against discrimination and today, despite of all the political struggles, an increasing number of people recognize the importance of giving full legal rights and public acceptance to gay people.

The irony is that even after years of parading down the streets and boldly celebrating all the diversity of our people, low self-esteem continues to be a chronic issue within the gay community today. The alienation, discrimination and abuse that in the past and even today continue to afflict young GLBT individuals have made a huge mark in our personal and communal mental health. How can we wave our flags, demand for equal rights and at the same time still struggle with our own self-image and self-value?

The good news is that self-esteem is something we can all work on and improve. Here are some tips:

Surround yourself with people who care about you

I cannot stress more the importance of having a great support system. Friends and family are the source of our energy and wellbeing. But sometimes, as we go on our journey to find and strengthen this support we make certain connections that are less than desirable. And our own low self-esteem is probably the reason why we continue to sustain these relationships. You see! Low self-esteem feeds on low self-esteem. Break the cycle by nourishing relationships with people that love you. Make sure you have a group of cheerleaders that are there to lift you up, to respect you, to treat you well and to remind you of the wonderful person you are. At the same time, remember to do the same with others. There is nothing better to boost our own self-esteem then when we see ourselves being good and fair to other people. And if you have someone that is simply relentless on trying to put you down, ignore it. Most likely that person is doing it because of his/her own low self-esteem. I assure you, 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you.

Be your own best friend

At this point, it is all about you. More important than having a group of cheerleaders, you have to be your No. 1 fan. Always treat yourself well. Be kind, be reasonable, be compassionate with who you are. Respect yourself and your own wishes. Look inside your heart and follow what you see there. Be true to your own values and ideals. Show yourself that you are a good human being by celebrating the beauty that resides inside of you.

Invest in yourself

What about all those dreams and ideas you've been hiding and avoiding for so long? It is time to bring them back to light and pursue them. It is time to take ownership of the talents and gifts you have and invest time, energy and money on developing them. Set goals that are based on your desires and work to achieve them. If you need help, talk with a friend, hire a personal coach. Bring yourself out and learn how to show to everyone the beautiful person you already are. There is no other better investment in the world.

Spend time on things that you enjoy

What are the top 3 things that you take pleasure in the most in your life? Name them and make the point of doing them -- regularly. If you have a hard time making this short list, look back at your past and remember the moments when you felt satisfied and fulfilled. They will give you a hint of the things that uplift you and make you happy. After you worked hard and succeeded in achieving a goal, reward yourself and indulge in something that is fun. Have a great time and appreciate how deserving you are of that moment.

Take responsibility

A good self-esteem does not come only by pampering and telling yourself how good you are. A sound and healthy self-esteem is sustained by recognizing the solid person you are and the great values you bear. And these values are shown no better than when you take responsibility for your own choices and actions. Acknowledge that the choices you made in the past were the best choices you could have made with the resources you had at that time. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, look forward and make a commitment from this point on to choose based only on your own beliefs and standards -- nobody else's.

Good self-esteem and real pride happen through the interactions we have with our own heart and with the people we relate to. It is the result of a network of situations, habits and connections. And now, as adults, we are the only ones who have the power over them. If we agree with the initial quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, improving our self-esteem and self-love is imperative in our journey to equal rights. Let's make sure we stand firm inside and make an even stronger presence everywhere we go. Respect will follow suit.

Elias Scultori is a professional life coach. His practice and speaking engagements expand across the country and abroad. His focus is on helping his clients remove barriers, unearth their talents and true desires so they can build a personal and/or professional life journey that is full, rewarding and authentic. Elias was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and presently lives in Princeton, NJ. To find out more go to http://www.lifecoaching-egs.com

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The Four Components of Good Self-Esteem Or Positive Identity

By Bob Perdue

People who struggle with low self-esteem normally exhibit many relational and emotional problems. The desire for a good self-esteem is great and is actually found in relationship with something bigger than ourselves. One of the wonderful benefits of living in relationship with God by faith is that He gives us a positive identity. We know who we are and we know it is good! This positive identity is another term for what psychologists call positive self-esteem. It is actually a more accurate term because self-esteem is about how I feel about myself, positive identity is about who I really am! Positive identity has four major components:

1) Virtue. This is the sense that we have spiritual value and worth. Our value is inherent in the fact that we are created in the image of God. It is not derived from the good things I do for God. God created Adam and Eve and then called them good. What had they done to deserve that affirmation? Nothing. Their goodness was a part of the way God made them, their true self. Knowing our true value is a vital part of a positive identity.

2) Community. This is the sense that we belong and are a part of something
bigger than ourselves, that we have something to offer. God created us out of community ("let us create man..") and for community ("it is not good for man to be alone"). An infant is "we" with its mother before he or she become an "I". Knowing that you belong to a caring community is a vital part of a positive identity.

3) Power. This is the sense that we have choices and the ability to choose. We have already established that God created us with a choice and with the power to make that choice. Limits to our power by God-given boundaries help keep our power from destroying our virtue. Knowing that we have the power to make good choices is a vital part of a positive identity.

4) Gender. This is the sense that we are masculine or feminine and comfortable with our sexuality. God specifically created mankind as "male and female". The difference between the genders is a part of the design. The unique ways that God created men and women allow them to complement each other as they move together toward intimacy. Knowing our gender and being comfortable with our masculinity or femininity is a vital part of a positive identity.

Since all four of these qualities are part of the true self that God created us to be, it stands to reason that any movement away from these qualities is a good indication that we have taken a detour from life. In fact, anytime that we move away from life, our positive identity suffers because we are trying to find life in something other than God, and since God gives us our positive identity, we lose sight of it as we wander from Him. Therefore, these components of positive identity become a good criterion for judging whether we are living in this intimate relationship with God called life.

This is a good time for us to pause and ask a few probing questions. Do I understand my true value as a person or do I tend to base my value on performance or behavior? Do I fully enter in to community and feel a part of something bigger than myself or do I tend to isolate from others and "perform" at public functions? Do I carefully use my power to make good choices or do I tend to play the victim, as if I have no power to make positive choices? Do I feel the need to use my power to control those around me? Am I comfortable with my masculinity or femininity, or do I tend to act as though I have something to prove in that area? Life and positive identity go hand in hand. This is the way we can regularly take inventory of our life.

Our tendency, though, is to judge the quality of our life by other criteria. Am I happy? Am I getting what I want? Am I achieving all of my goals? These criteria actually grow out of a view of God as a resource to make my life work the way I think it should rather than viewing God as life itself!

Bob's testimony and the keys to his success can be found in his book, 10 Life Choices available at http://www.lifenowministries.com or http://www.amazon.com - Bob is a gifted speaker and has shared his testimony throughout the US, in Brazil, Portugal and Germany. Contact Bob at bob@lifenowministries.com

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