Pride - It's a Self-Esteem Issue!

By Elias Scultori

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I came across this quote while doing some research for a talk I was scheduled to give at a Gay and Lesbian Pride Center during the month of June when gay pride is celebrated all around the world. Of course, they asked me to talk about gay pride -- with a life coaching twist. And since so much has been already said about this subject I thought at first, I would inevitably end up being redundant. But as I continued to explore the subject, I began to think more and more about the correlation between pride and self-esteem. Has anyone talked about this already?

Since the Stonewall riots of 1969, every year during the month of June, millions of people who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT) have inundated the avenues of major cities all around the world, waving their rainbow flags and proclaiming their gay pride. Almost 40 years later, the community has won major battles against discrimination and today, despite of all the political struggles, an increasing number of people recognize the importance of giving full legal rights and public acceptance to gay people.

The irony is that even after years of parading down the streets and boldly celebrating all the diversity of our people, low self-esteem continues to be a chronic issue within the gay community today. The alienation, discrimination and abuse that in the past and even today continue to afflict young GLBT individuals have made a huge mark in our personal and communal mental health. How can we wave our flags, demand for equal rights and at the same time still struggle with our own self-image and self-value?

The good news is that self-esteem is something we can all work on and improve. Here are some tips:

Surround yourself with people who care about you

I cannot stress more the importance of having a great support system. Friends and family are the source of our energy and wellbeing. But sometimes, as we go on our journey to find and strengthen this support we make certain connections that are less than desirable. And our own low self-esteem is probably the reason why we continue to sustain these relationships. You see! Low self-esteem feeds on low self-esteem. Break the cycle by nourishing relationships with people that love you. Make sure you have a group of cheerleaders that are there to lift you up, to respect you, to treat you well and to remind you of the wonderful person you are. At the same time, remember to do the same with others. There is nothing better to boost our own self-esteem then when we see ourselves being good and fair to other people. And if you have someone that is simply relentless on trying to put you down, ignore it. Most likely that person is doing it because of his/her own low self-esteem. I assure you, 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you.

Be your own best friend

At this point, it is all about you. More important than having a group of cheerleaders, you have to be your No. 1 fan. Always treat yourself well. Be kind, be reasonable, be compassionate with who you are. Respect yourself and your own wishes. Look inside your heart and follow what you see there. Be true to your own values and ideals. Show yourself that you are a good human being by celebrating the beauty that resides inside of you.

Invest in yourself

What about all those dreams and ideas you've been hiding and avoiding for so long? It is time to bring them back to light and pursue them. It is time to take ownership of the talents and gifts you have and invest time, energy and money on developing them. Set goals that are based on your desires and work to achieve them. If you need help, talk with a friend, hire a personal coach. Bring yourself out and learn how to show to everyone the beautiful person you already are. There is no other better investment in the world.

Spend time on things that you enjoy

What are the top 3 things that you take pleasure in the most in your life? Name them and make the point of doing them -- regularly. If you have a hard time making this short list, look back at your past and remember the moments when you felt satisfied and fulfilled. They will give you a hint of the things that uplift you and make you happy. After you worked hard and succeeded in achieving a goal, reward yourself and indulge in something that is fun. Have a great time and appreciate how deserving you are of that moment.

Take responsibility

A good self-esteem does not come only by pampering and telling yourself how good you are. A sound and healthy self-esteem is sustained by recognizing the solid person you are and the great values you bear. And these values are shown no better than when you take responsibility for your own choices and actions. Acknowledge that the choices you made in the past were the best choices you could have made with the resources you had at that time. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, look forward and make a commitment from this point on to choose based only on your own beliefs and standards -- nobody else's.

Good self-esteem and real pride happen through the interactions we have with our own heart and with the people we relate to. It is the result of a network of situations, habits and connections. And now, as adults, we are the only ones who have the power over them. If we agree with the initial quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, improving our self-esteem and self-love is imperative in our journey to equal rights. Let's make sure we stand firm inside and make an even stronger presence everywhere we go. Respect will follow suit.

Elias Scultori is a professional life coach. His practice and speaking engagements expand across the country and abroad. His focus is on helping his clients remove barriers, unearth their talents and true desires so they can build a personal and/or professional life journey that is full, rewarding and authentic. Elias was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and presently lives in Princeton, NJ. To find out more go to http://www.lifecoaching-egs.com

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Self-Esteem and Stress-Anxiety

By David Jones

How people feel about themselves and others and their perceptions of the stressors in their lives are part of the psychology of stress. Ability to cope with stress often hinges on impressions of how detrimental a stressor is and how adequately resources can deal with the situation. How much stress people feel themselves experiencing is closely associated with their own sense of self-esteem. Self-esteem includes beliefs and attitudes about changes, personal talent, skills, and the ability to deal with the changes and challenges that inevitably occur in life. It is also the basis of self-efficacy and the locus of control. The most influential factor in determining response to stress may be people's own perceptions of themselves.

Physiological Responses to Stress

Stress abounds in life and can be experienced as the result of happy and unhappy events. Regardless of the stressor, each time a stressful event occurs, a series of neurological and hormonal messages are sent throughout the body.

The nervous system serves as a reciprocal network that sends messages between the awareness centers of the brain and the organs and muscles of the body. Part of this system is referred to as the limbic system. The limbic system contains centers for emotions, memory, learning relay, and hormone production and includes the pituitary gland, thalamus, and hypothalamus.

When a stressor is encountered, the body sends a message to the brain via the nervous system. The brain then synthesizes the message and determines whether it is valid or not. If a message is not verified by the brain as being threatening, the limbic system overrides the initial response and the body continues to function normally. If the initial response is translated as accurate (a stressor), the body responds with some emotion (fear, joy, terror) and the hypothalamus begins to act.

The hypothalamus sends a hormonal message to the pituitary gland, which then releases a hormone (ACTH) that helps signal other glands in the endocrine system to secrete additional hormones, providing fuel to respond with the fight-or-flight reaction.

Systolic blood pressure may rise 15 to 20 mmHg while fluid is retained. The adrenal cortex increases blood pressure to facilitate transportation of food and oxygen to active parts of the body. Blood volume is increased.

The hypothalamus also sends a message to release the hormones epinephrine and norepinephrine, which initiate a variety of physiological changes. These changes include increased heart rate, increased metabolic rate, increased oxygen consumption, and the release of hormones called endorphins, which decrease sensations of pain.

The autonomic nervous system is responsible for a second major set of physiological responses. In reaction to a threat, the autonomic nervous system increases heart rate, strength of the skeletal muscles, mental activity, and basal metabolic rate; dilates the coronary arteries, pupils, bronchial tubes, and arterioles; and constricts the abdominal arteries. This system also returns the body to a normal, relaxed state.

Read out medications for anxiety. Also know about bodybuilding tips and natural herbal remedies.

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Stress & Self Esteem: Raising One by Lowering the Other

By Tanja Gardner

In our article about Exercise & Stress, we looked at the way these two factors form a self-reinforcing cycle that can work for us. With stress and self-esteem, however, the relationship is negative – both in the technical sense of the words (i.e. as one increases, the other decreases, and vice versa), and in its ultimate result upon the person concerned.

Study after study has found that increasing someone’s self-esteem will reduce the amount of stress they experience. The jury is still out, however, about whether increasing someone’s chronic stress (without giving them time to relax and recharge) will reduce their self-esteem levels. There’s anecdotal evidence that, if you start with high self esteem, stress doesn’t seem to affect it. If your self-esteem levels start out low, however, stress will often reduce them even further.

So what’s going on here? Why does the relationship between stress and self-esteem work the way it does? Part of it is probably just logic and semantics. Self-esteem is the level of regard or value we have for ourselves – and it’s a complex thing. It encompasses how we feel about ourselves, the image we have of ourselves, and what we believe we are and aren’t capable of. If we define stress as ‘our reaction to encountering a situation that requires us to adapt further than we believe we can currently cope with’, it makes sense that anything that increases the level of ‘what we believe we are capable of’ will therefore reduce our stress.

Part of it is also about what we will and won’t accept in our lives. If my self-esteem is high, I’m less likely to just tolerate things I find stressful. Instead, chances are I’ll do something about them – either find out how to fix them or avoid them – simply because I believe I deserve better than to have to suffer them. So from this point of view, the relationship isn’t just a matter of semantics. In a very real way, higher self-esteem *causes* behaviours that reduce stress.

The question then becomes, if we know that raising our self-esteem is going to help us manage our stress, what do we do to boost it? How do we go about building our self-esteem to the level that we’re in the optimum state possible to manage all those daily stressors *before* they start to ‘stress us out’?
As with every self-help topic, there are many theories – some more complex than others. One of the simplest and most ‘user friendly’ models we’ve found was suggested by the Counselling & Mental Health Centre at the University of Texas. This proposes three basic steps for improving self-esteem:

1. Rebutting your Inner Critic – dealing with that inner voice that constantly tells you that you ‘can’t do it’

2. Practicing nurturing yourself – keeping up your own mental and physical resources

3. Getting help from other people – knowing who you can turn to for help when working alone isn’t enough

Although this model suggests sequential steps (i.e. you’d need to deal with your Inner Critic before you began to nurture yourself), there’s no reason why you can’t work on some – or all – of them at the same time. So, for example, you could use the help of a coach while you experimented with different ways of nurturing yourself, without having paid any conscious attention whatsoever to your Inner Critic yet. Because everyone is different, the right combinations and sequence for one person aren’t necessarily going to be the right ones for another.

Irrespective of order, however, we need to understand each step individually if the model is going to be any use in helping us raise self-esteem levels. The remaining articles in this series will explore each step in detail, starting with next issue’s article, which will examine exactly what our Inner Critic is, and some of the most useful ways of dealing with it. Until then, may every day bring you closer to living your optimum life!

Copyright 2005 Tanja Gardner

Optimum Life's Tanja Gardner is a Stress Management Coach and Personal Trainer whose articles on holistic health, relaxation and spirituality have appeared in various media since 1999. Optimum Life is dedicated to providing fitness and stress management services to help clients all over the world achieve their optimum lives. For more information please visit check out http://optimumlife.co.nz/, or contact Tanja on tanja@optimumlife.co.nz.

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