Pride - It's a Self-Esteem Issue!

By Elias Scultori

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I came across this quote while doing some research for a talk I was scheduled to give at a Gay and Lesbian Pride Center during the month of June when gay pride is celebrated all around the world. Of course, they asked me to talk about gay pride -- with a life coaching twist. And since so much has been already said about this subject I thought at first, I would inevitably end up being redundant. But as I continued to explore the subject, I began to think more and more about the correlation between pride and self-esteem. Has anyone talked about this already?

Since the Stonewall riots of 1969, every year during the month of June, millions of people who identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT) have inundated the avenues of major cities all around the world, waving their rainbow flags and proclaiming their gay pride. Almost 40 years later, the community has won major battles against discrimination and today, despite of all the political struggles, an increasing number of people recognize the importance of giving full legal rights and public acceptance to gay people.

The irony is that even after years of parading down the streets and boldly celebrating all the diversity of our people, low self-esteem continues to be a chronic issue within the gay community today. The alienation, discrimination and abuse that in the past and even today continue to afflict young GLBT individuals have made a huge mark in our personal and communal mental health. How can we wave our flags, demand for equal rights and at the same time still struggle with our own self-image and self-value?

The good news is that self-esteem is something we can all work on and improve. Here are some tips:

Surround yourself with people who care about you

I cannot stress more the importance of having a great support system. Friends and family are the source of our energy and wellbeing. But sometimes, as we go on our journey to find and strengthen this support we make certain connections that are less than desirable. And our own low self-esteem is probably the reason why we continue to sustain these relationships. You see! Low self-esteem feeds on low self-esteem. Break the cycle by nourishing relationships with people that love you. Make sure you have a group of cheerleaders that are there to lift you up, to respect you, to treat you well and to remind you of the wonderful person you are. At the same time, remember to do the same with others. There is nothing better to boost our own self-esteem then when we see ourselves being good and fair to other people. And if you have someone that is simply relentless on trying to put you down, ignore it. Most likely that person is doing it because of his/her own low self-esteem. I assure you, 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you.

Be your own best friend

At this point, it is all about you. More important than having a group of cheerleaders, you have to be your No. 1 fan. Always treat yourself well. Be kind, be reasonable, be compassionate with who you are. Respect yourself and your own wishes. Look inside your heart and follow what you see there. Be true to your own values and ideals. Show yourself that you are a good human being by celebrating the beauty that resides inside of you.

Invest in yourself

What about all those dreams and ideas you've been hiding and avoiding for so long? It is time to bring them back to light and pursue them. It is time to take ownership of the talents and gifts you have and invest time, energy and money on developing them. Set goals that are based on your desires and work to achieve them. If you need help, talk with a friend, hire a personal coach. Bring yourself out and learn how to show to everyone the beautiful person you already are. There is no other better investment in the world.

Spend time on things that you enjoy

What are the top 3 things that you take pleasure in the most in your life? Name them and make the point of doing them -- regularly. If you have a hard time making this short list, look back at your past and remember the moments when you felt satisfied and fulfilled. They will give you a hint of the things that uplift you and make you happy. After you worked hard and succeeded in achieving a goal, reward yourself and indulge in something that is fun. Have a great time and appreciate how deserving you are of that moment.

Take responsibility

A good self-esteem does not come only by pampering and telling yourself how good you are. A sound and healthy self-esteem is sustained by recognizing the solid person you are and the great values you bear. And these values are shown no better than when you take responsibility for your own choices and actions. Acknowledge that the choices you made in the past were the best choices you could have made with the resources you had at that time. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, look forward and make a commitment from this point on to choose based only on your own beliefs and standards -- nobody else's.

Good self-esteem and real pride happen through the interactions we have with our own heart and with the people we relate to. It is the result of a network of situations, habits and connections. And now, as adults, we are the only ones who have the power over them. If we agree with the initial quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, improving our self-esteem and self-love is imperative in our journey to equal rights. Let's make sure we stand firm inside and make an even stronger presence everywhere we go. Respect will follow suit.

Elias Scultori is a professional life coach. His practice and speaking engagements expand across the country and abroad. His focus is on helping his clients remove barriers, unearth their talents and true desires so they can build a personal and/or professional life journey that is full, rewarding and authentic. Elias was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and presently lives in Princeton, NJ. To find out more go to http://www.lifecoaching-egs.com

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