Dare to Say No and Not Feel Guilty

By Luz Aguirrebena

Are you one of those people who have trouble saying no and when you actually dare to pronounce the word, feel guilty?

Do you feel resentful to yourself and others because not being able to say no stresses you out due to the fact that you are doing things you don't want to do?

Are you afraid that if you say no people will not love you any more?

Well, you are not alone. Many people have this problem. and it is interfering in their life in a negative manner. They don't have enough time for themselves. How are they going to focus in anything and succeed? The truth of the matter is that assertiveness has a lot to do with the ability to say no. Success also. Mark my words.

So, why is it that you can't say no?

The main reason is because you have data in your hard drive that says something like this: If I say no, people will not love me any more. My time is not so important as other people's time. I have to be available all the time. The guilt of saying no consumes me.

I have news for you. The same way your computer has useless data to be deleted, you can delete that message in you head. You only have to decide you don't want to go through the pain and consequences of saying yes all the time any more. It's a choice.

The idea is to replace the data with new data. One that says something like this: It's OK to say no. My time is as valuable as other people' time. I don't have to be available all the time. I deserve to be available to myself, and the things I really want to do. When I say no people love me and respect me. Because I am respecting myself. I don't have to feel guilty for choosing myself. I deserve it.

Actually, the problem with not being able to say no, is that you attract demanding people who want more, and are never satisfied. It never is going to be enough. It's a neverending story. You are not doing any favor to them nor to you. You are enabling them to perpetrate the pattern of depending on you, blocking their own resources.

Now, when you give yourself permission to change the pattern of behavior, you have to go one step at the time.

The first time you cross the barrier of fear of saying no, you will be scared to death, but you will stand still with your brand new conviction that you are as important as other people. Once you are on the other side of that barrier you will feel good because you chose yourself this time. If the other person tries to run a guilt trip on you, you have to stand firm, even though it is difficult. Then you'll feel even better. They might be upset in the beginning. You are changing on them, how dare you, they didn't expect it. You can't blame them. They will resist for a while, but if you remain firm in your action, in the long run they will have a sense of relief. And guess what, they will respect you.

If it doesn't work that way and you lose the relationship, you are losing them, not yourself. There is a big difference. You don't need that kind of relationship. You will start attracting people who love you for who you are, not for the things you do for them.

Keep doing it, the barrier of fear gets smaller every time. After a while, guess what, it will feel pretty good inside.

Luz

http://soulhangout.net is a soul activists resource. A personal development blog, using conversation and storytelling to help you align your thoughts. Come visit and bring your soul. We'll hang out. There is also a Soul Hang Out in Spanish http://soulhangout.net/spanish if you are interested.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Luz_Aguirrebena

Building Your Self Esteem and Confidence is Key to Self Improvement and Development

By Leon Lioe

In self improvement, we talk a lot about self esteem, the ability to stay calm, composed and confident when facing tough challenges. Basically, self esteem is the pillars that support your self improvement and development. So, if you view self improvement as a table, self esteem is the table's legs. They got to be strong to support the table.

If we have a low self esteem, our confidence will tumble and we won't be able to face daily challenges. Our self esteem is like a dash board, and hence a dart pin can land on it any time without a warning. If we've low self esteem, a small dart pin can just destroy our entire self confidence. That's why building a strong self esteem is critical to your self development.

Following are some tips you may find useful in helping you to harness your self esteem.

1. Learn to interact with positive people. Do not shy away from people, learn how to socialize and interact with people. Overcome your shyness, we only live once in this world, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. The more you socialize and interact with people around you, the more comfortable you will become, and your self esteem will build up slowly.

2. Avoid negative work environment. Stay away from a work environment that promotes unhealthy competition, a dog-eats-dog and back-stabbing work culture where everybody is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. Your self esteem will be destroyed when no one appreciate your efforts and contributions. If you feel that the company you're working right now has such environment, look for a new job and get out from there as soon as you can.

3. Acknowledge your past mistakes and learn from the experiences. It's okay to cry when we experience pain. But don't let pain transform itself into FEAR. There is a time to cry from your misfortune and there is a time to recover. Do not dwell on your problems, learn from it, shake it off and move on. If you dwell on a problem for too long, it might grab you by the tail, swing you around and totally destroy your self esteem. Don't let that happens to you. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

4. Avoid negative view and be optimistic. Always try to see the positive part of any problem first. Wish for the best things in life and believe that every challenge or problem you experience is for the benefit of you to improve. Don't wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.

5. Think positively. Always think about the good qualities and abilities in you. Focus on your strengths instead of weaknesses. Everything starts from your mind, if you think you can then you can and vice versa. Make positive thinking becomes your second habit and your self esteem will build up in no time.

6. Do not worry about the future or things that haven't occurred. Just strive to do your best and do the right things today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

7. If you have a problem, do not avoid or pretend that it doesn't exist. Face your problem and deal with it. Get help from family members or closed friends if necessary. Share with them openly about the problem you're facing and ask for help. You will be amazed that people are generally willing to help, sometimes all you need to do is just ASK. Families and friends can help boost your self esteem and motivate you to face your problem.

When we develop self esteem, we take control of our life mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement and self development, positive attitude, and self determination.

More interesting articles on building self esteem confidence are available at our self improvement tips blog.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leon_Lioe