Questionnaire On Self Esteem - Question 3 Is THE Question Out Of 5 Important Questions

By JY Chia

Here is the questionnaire on self esteem, question three: How Can You Set A Benchmark?

Let me share with you a personal story and you will understand why this is the question that helped build my self esteem which you can use for yourself too. Remember I shared with you in the previous example that I felt that my self esteem was lowered when I was asked to call for food delivery. It is such a simple task, but it was an uphill one for me. Whenever my mum asked me to order food delivery, I would cringe and I will even go to the extent of tipping my younger brother to do it for me.

It could be a mix of low confidence, but one thing for sure, I feel totally lousy that I cannot even do such a simple task that my younger brother can. You can imagine how affected my self esteem was. Disclaimer over here, I did not know this is one strategy that I can use until I was put through it unknowingly.

It was a school vacation, a long one after a major examinations and I went to do part time job with my friends at a market research company. I was totally caught off guard when the supervisor gave me a mini stack of leads where we have to call and seek permission to interview the respondents OVER THE PHONE! You can guess how I felt then. You are right if you are thinking that I chose to quit. That was exactly what I wanted to do.

Guess what happened? I did not quit because I did something and it ws indeed a blessing in disguise. Yes the first few times were horrible, I can hear the tremble in my voice and feel the sweaty palms. It was indeed a blessing in disguise that I unknowingly signed the part time contract that I have to complete the ad hoc project. Yes! It was a trap, but like I say it was a blessing in disguise.

Since then, whenever my mum ask me to order pizza, even though there is this initial apprehension, but I will tell myself that if I can call the stack of leads that will most often reject your request for an interview, what it is to order pizza from mostly nice operators.

That was hurdle one cleared. I am grateful.

Next was the feeling of having a low self esteem when approaching strangers in public. The self encouragement of, "if I can call the stack of leads that will most often reject your request for an interview", did not work for approaching strangers in a face to face context. It is time to get out behind the phone to meet new people.

Perhaps it were the reinforcements made during childhood by loving adults that we should not talk to strangers, but you will agree that you have to interact with strangers somehow as you grow up, be it in school or when are working. I am grateful that the adults were concerned about our safety, just that this doctrine had some side effects for some of us.

That analogy aside, what I did to build my self esteem to approach strangers? I did not have a questionnaire on self esteem to check off what I have to do then. It was another part time stint, this time was with a charitable organization in selling calling cards to raise funds. There were many international delegates present for the conference and I had to approach them to buy the calling card.

Apprehension. Apprehension. Apprehension.

Then I was told by the in charge that the President may be dropping by our booth to render support. We were all anticipating his arrival when he made a U-turn just before our booth to head for the reception, I am not sure if it was planned or it was the time schedule, but I could felt a surge of blood raising to my head and I remembered asking myself, "Why didn't his Excellency even drop by a charity organization's booth?"

What happened subsequently was unlike of me and I have no idea what got into me but I am glad it did, and this was what happened. I went close to the reception area, with a calling card in my pocket, I took out a notepad that I have with me and wrote a simple note. A note to the President!

I wrote something like, "Dear Mr. President, I am JY representing XXX charity organization and we are selling calling cards to raise funds. I sincerely hope that you will get one for yourself. I will be waiting outside the reception area for you. Thank you and I hope to see you soon!"

Alright, reflecting back, I think I was naïve but I am glad that I did what I did. It was not easy getting the note to the President.

1st Rejection: One of the organizing committee member says that this is a formal event and they cannot do this.

2nd Semi-Rejection: I persisted and asked to speak to the in charge of the organizing committee. She says that she is not sure if she is able to help but she can pass the note to the President's personal assistant.

Relieved: I waited awhile before this uniformed tall guard came out and says that he will stop the President for me later on his way out. Just as he turned his back around, he turned back and suggested me to take a photo with the President. Gosh! I did not have a camera with me and he says that he will take care of that. At the point of time, my face was flushed and my pulse were beating at ultra sonic speed because in a moment's time I will be meeting the President and presenting the calling card to him.

Finally: After a few minutes wait, I was greeted by a throng of crowd surrounding the President as he took his leave and I am really grateful that the President's personal assistant paved way for me to present the calling card to the President.

Before anything else, the President asked about my well being and I am truly touched, then I explained to him that I am representing this specific charity in selling calling cards to raise funds, he was sincere to say that he did not have any cash on him, but I was adamant in presenting the card to him. Before he bade farewell, we were greeted by flashes from cameras. And as I was left dazed in excitement on what happened, a photographer pushed to me a name card that read call the National Archives for the photos.

This was it. It was the new benchmark that I have set for myself. It is still working for me now. Whenever I feel that I have some apprehension in approaching somebody. I will say this to myself, "If I can approach the President, who is XXX?"
It works. It can work for you too.

You do not have to necessarily approach the President. The benchmark that you set got to be something that you think you will never have done. Take for example, if you are a student and you feel that you have self esteem issues when relating to teachers, get a chance to speak to the head of department or even the school's Principal. Similarly if you are facing self esteem issues in relating to colleagues, find ways to speak to your supervisor or even the CEO of your company.

The KEY in building up your self esteem is setting a BENCHMARK for yourself.
A benchmark that is high enough for you to say that if you can reach the benchmark, what you are currently facing is just a passing phase that you can handle confidently and you can feel good about yourself doing it.

A quick recap on the questionnaire on self esteem, question number three which is THE QUESTION that you must really comprehend because it is going to catapult your self esteem if you put it into work yourself. Yes! Setting a new benchmark requires your courage and for you to step out of your comfort zone. Take a step at a time and soon you will realize that your comfort circle is expanding and you will feel comfortable and happy again.

Please note that you are allowed to print this article for your own use.

-This article is copyright by JY Chia-

JY Chia Is A Self Proclaimed Self Esteem Coach, From Someone Who Will Bribe Her Brother To Call For Pizza Delivery To Mustering The Courage To Approach The President Of Her Country During A Mega Congress! Visit her blog at http://www.SelfHelpMotivationBlog.com To Get Proven Tips On Improving Low Self Esteem & Get Your Copy Of "5 Questions To Build Your Self Esteem" For FREE TODAY!

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