I Can't Or I Won't?

By Kent Healy

"I can't exercise today." "I can't ask her on a date!" "I can't make more money." Whoa, there partner! Let's think about this for a moment. Once we stop to think about what words we choose to use and how often we use them, we might actually surprise ourselves.

I've noticed one word specifically that has subtly squirmed its way into more and more conversations. I'm sure you're aware of the four letter word I am referring to. That's right: Can't.

It seems that the word "can't" has become a one-step solution many people use to put their nagging inner-thoughts to rest. After all, once we declare something cannot be done, we no longer need to think about, right? We can put it out of our mind and just let it go! "It's out of my control." "It's just not possible," as many would say. What a simple solution ... or is it?

The words we use have a far greater effect on our mentality than their obvious grammatical application. The word "can't" literally alters our perspective in an instant. It presupposes that we don't have the ability or the resources to get the result, which in most cases, is not true at all. But eventually, we believe what we repeatedly tell ourselves-whether it's factual or not. Before long, our creativity gradually disappears and we lower our expectations-only to set the stage for further disappointment.

Yes, there are appropriate occasions to use the word "can't", but many times, we use it to hide a deeper concern. Rarely is it used to indicate that something is actually impossible-it's often just a crutch we use to suppress the real reasons we choose not to take further action.

"I can't dance." "I can't give a speech." "I can't start a business." Sound familiar? Perhaps, if we were to be completely honest with ourselves, a more fitting description would begin with "I won't." For instance: "I won't start a business because I'm too afraid of failing." "I won't ask her on a date because I'm not willing to experience possible rejection." In other words, we choose to use the word "can't" when the process involves fear, inconvenience, or sacrifices that we are unwilling to endure. That's why "can't" is typically a choice rather than an accurate suggestion of impossibility.

If we think about it, we'll realize that it's often the very things we're putting off that will take us closer to where we really want to be. This becomes a very important concept once we understand that we will not pursue things that we believe cannot be done. If we believe that we cannot swim, then we will avoid the water. If we believe we cannot start a business, then there is no reason to try. But in reality, it's rarely a matter of "can't."

Try taking the verbal limitations out of your life. Next time you catch yourself using the "c-word," try exchanging it with "won't." For example, "I can't apply for the job" would become "I won't apply for the job because ..." fill in the blank. Who knows, you may find that the only thing holding you back is a false assumption.

Written by Kent Healy

At a young age reality gave Kent D. Healy a wake up call. He realized that he was not getting taught the important life-skills in school that he needed to become successful in the real world. Kent then partnered with his brother at age 17 to write his first book, "Cool Stuff" They Should Teach In School.

Since the book has been released, the overwhelming positive feedback has driven him to start his own publishing company called "Cool Stuff" Media, Inc. (http://www.coolstuffmedia.com ) The success of this company and the personal development material created by Kent has made him one of the most popular and sought-after young experts on the topic of success. (http://www.kenthealy.com )

Kent is a columnist, personal life coach, entrepreneur, and speaker. He has teamed up with some of the world's most respected leaders in the field of psychology and personal transformation-including the recent release of his book, The Success Principles for Teens which he co-authored with Jack Canfield.

He regularly appears in the media travels to speak to audiences of all ages and backgrounds and he is dedicated to helping others by offering them the tools they need to build a life they are proud of.

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