I Always Have to Be Right!

By Stephanie Cooke

We have all had times when we know we are right but others have disagreed with us. Sometimes we will choose to challenge this, but other times we may simply agree to disagree in order to keep the peace; we don't usually attach much importance to this. For some people though, the need to be right is all consuming, and it can be impossible for them to back down if their views are challenged. I have a friend who's need to be right is actually quite comical- even when she's been proved to be wrong, she will invent the most way out scenarios when what she said may possibly be right, and claim that this was what she meant anyway! Another friend will insist on using Google after a disagreement over something involving facts to prove that she was right.

These people are often quite dominant in social situations. They can come across as confident, or even arrogant, but underneath this they are often very insecure people. They need to be right and to have this recognised as it validates their sense of self worth and sense of control. They can act very aggressively when this sense of control is threatened, as everything they hold an opinion on is directly linked to their self concept. This means that they can often lose perspective and 'blow up' over the most seemingly trivial things if challenged. It is also possible that they could also be genuinely unaware of the extent of the problem. However, it can be very emotionally draining to be around people like this, and others may actually avoid discussing certain subjects with them to reduce the risks of triggering this behaviour.

So- what if this sounds like somebody close to you? How do you deal with their need to be right at all times? Remember that they are actually very insecure people, who are afraid of being ridiculed or judged in any way. You will have to gain their trust; once they know that you are not going to judge them they will find it a lot easier to back down when they are wrong.

Even if you disagree with what they have said, still validate it in some way rather then just bluntly telling them that they are wrong. Make them aware that you think that what they have said is valid, but that there are also other points of view.

But- what if it's you who always has to be right? Try to realise that there is nothing bad about being wrong occasionally. If you realise you are wrong, admit it and stop trying to force your point. Listen to what others have to say and acknowledge their views. Accept that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and in some instances their may be no right or wrong. If it is appropriate, apologise.

If you feel comfortable, ask others to let you know when you have crossed the threshold from just stating your opinion to needing to be right. You will probably find that you earn a lot more respect through trying to correct your problems, which in turn could increase your sense of self worth and could eventually remove the underlying need to be right.

It may also be an idea to work on your self esteem to replace the underlying feelings of insecurity and poor self worth. You should find that once you start to feel better on the inside, you will project this on the outside. Remember, it's a lot more important to be happy than right all the time!

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